Cha… Cha… Cha… Changes…

Looks like it’s job hunt time once again – sigh… I dislike hunting for jobs – I really do. The job market around here is so very bad unless you’re a truck driver, nurse or have production and manufacturing skills. I qualify for none of those so what to do. Need to put my thinking cap on and see if there is something I can do that uses the skills I have and would love to use to make a career out of.

Yeah, it’s been a while…

Sometimes I think I’ve got nothing to say and so keep my thoughts to myself.  So, while you’re waiting, if you’re waiting…

Depression Lies…

If you or a loved one suffer from depression – watch this video by Jenny.

http://thebloggess.com/2012/04/depression-lies/#comment-179703

Adventures in Kitty Wrangling

Public

Lea Vollmer

 

So, cat A, Mr. Bugby, decides to chase cat B, Friskie, who runs away, jumps up on my desk, manages to step on the only sharp object there, puncturing her right front paw, who continues to run, now oozing gobs of blood everywhere, leaving me to catch cat B, who decides she doesn’t want to be caught and sinks her claws and bloody paw into my arm, scratches ensue, finally get a good grip on ballistic cat who’s continuing to bleed all over me and everything else, I scream for help while pinning down ballistic cat, help arrives, stiptic powder is applied to paw while cat sinks teeth into arm, I’m scrambling to get a better grip, first aid finally applied, the cat is released and said cat is now calm.  Me?  I’m still applying carpet cleaner to get up all the blood… you’d think I had nothing better to do…

Sometimes you just need a laugh…

Not so good english…

You know – if you REALLY want me to come work for your company, don’t you think you can do better than send me an offer like this:

Our company have stumbled upon your information in occupation hunting site.  We conjecture, that you seem the perfect contender for our free post with changeable hours.  The extent of stipend is $500 per week.  A fairly open agenda of labour.
The main stipulations:
• Mature, uninhibited
• Have computer, utilize MS Word
• Subject of United States of America
• Age 18+
• Procurable by telephone and by e-mail
• Have 2-3 hours with time to spare per day, the inconstant hours, a chance to amalgamate with the other trade.
If you are interested by our proposition, answer by e-mail to this letter.

I’m especially interested in the “chance to amalgamate with the other trade.”  Sounds, uh… interesting?  And on the same day, another unusual offer – I’m guessing from the same folks who sent me the above proposition:

Aloha
Our company have found your outline in help wanted site.
We guess, that you appear the perfect aspirant for our occasional occupation.
The quantity of salary is $500 per week.
A versatile calendar of service.
The principal demands:
• Mature, uninhibited
• Have computer, can handle MS Word
• National of United States of America
• Age 18+
• Handy by telephone and by e-mail
• Have 2-3 hours unencumbered per day, the fluctuating hours, a chance to amalgamate with the other post.

There’s that word amalgamate again… my guess is the original author(s) don’t speak English and when translating from their language to mine the above is what it ends up as.   So, whoever you are, thanks for the offer, but no thanks – I’m not interested in amalgamating with you or anyone else in your trade.

Deerfly Patches…

I get a lot of catalogs in the mail – some I like, others fall into the what were you thinking sending this to me catagory.   Some make me wonder who on earth thinks up the things found in them.  Which brings me to todays post.  The latest catalog from “your friends in the Great Northwoods,” The Boundary Waters Catalog from Ely, Minnesota made it to my mailbox this week.  If you’re into camping and canoeing, it’s a great catalog filled with all kinds of stuff related to being in the great outdoors and dealing with all the things that come with it.  Enter the Tred-Not Deerfly Patches – a best seller according to the ad.

Guaranteed to “stop those annoying deerflies dead in their tracks”.  Granted, they are nasty, biting pests that are a nusiance when trying to enjoy the outdoors but as I read the copy, my imagination took off on a slightly different track…

Stop Biting Deerflies!

Just stick the deerfly patches to the back of a cap or hat.  (Notice that this cap wearer didn’t follow the instructions and stuck it to the FRONT of his cap…)  Deerflies are found from May to September in most marshy and wooded areas and up here in the Boundary Waters they like to hide out in the shade and then swarm around your head before they pounce and bite. WE DON’T LIKE THEM.  These patches stick to the top of a hat and trap the nasty bugs in their tracks. One patch generally lasts a day. Non-toxic, chemical-free and odorless. Not recommended for long hair that might blow around and get trapped on the patch’s special adhesive. Only apply to top of hat, as other spots on clothing don’t work, the bugs aspire to lofty places. Pack of 12 flesh-colored patches.

What caught my attention first were the words “not recommended for long hair that might blow around and get trapped on the patch’s special adhesive” – ladies this product ain’t for you unless your hair is short, so you’re just going to have to live with getting eaten alive by these pests.    And if your hair can get caught on them, what else might get stuck there?  Small, angry birds?  Feisty squirrels?  Fishing lures?   And then “only apply to top of hat, as other spots on clothing don’t work…” what?  Why not?  I mean, if they work for deerflies, what about regular flies?  And mosquitoes for heaven’s sake?  I mean, if I’m going out to do battle with the insects, I want to stop all of them in their tracks!  I can see it now… walking into the local bait and tackle… George behind the counter saying something like ” hey, there – what’s with all them sticky traps stuck all over your clothes?”  Me – “This?  Why this is my new, patented ‘stop ’em dead in their tracks insect defense system’ ”  George – “Really?  How’s it work?”  “Simple, ” I say – “just go out and buy yourself a case of insect sticky traps and apply them liberally to the outside of your clothes.  Bugs stick to ’em and never get the chance to annoy or bite you.”  “Huh,” says George, “who’d a thunk it.  By the way what’s that buzzin’ sound I hear?”  “Oh, that?  Well, sometimes just their feet get stuck so they spend a lot of time trying to get free – you get used to the little screams for help after awhile.”

And the flesh coloring?  I guess that so your sticky trap covered self won’t stand out so much whenever you walk into a store or restaurant after a day in the woods covered with the carcasses of winged creatures who were only hours before “aspiring to lofty places.”